February 29th, 2016

Kinsky, California, USA

The Ones You Love Most

Lukas waited on the bench outside his house. At that point he had rehearsed many times what he wanted to say, but it never came out sounding right to him. He could feel his body begin to shiver as the hour that Kat was meant to pick him up came closer and closer still, his inner rehearsals becoming more quick and fragmented. Cole had texted him his blessings and tried to coach him, but it was no use. He would have to do it without a plan.

Kat’s red truck came by not long after. As Lukas came to the passenger side, Kat looked at him and smiled. There was a Fall Out Boy song playing quietly on the radio, and while Lukas knew Kat liked their music he didn’t recognize any of their songs. He wondered in his head if he had missed a chance here.

“Sorry I’m a bit late,” Kat commented. Lukas knew she was, and it had made him a bit more anxious, but he didn’t mention it. “Wanted to help Emilia load some sheets into the laundry and it took a bit longer than I thought it would.”

“I-It’s, um… no problem,” Lukas let out awkwardly.

Kat began to drive out of the neighborhood. “So, you thought about what you want for lunch?” she asked.

“Oh, not really. Whatever you want to have is fine.”

“Music to my ears.” Kat made a left turn. “You wanna try out that smoothie bowl place? Sadja said it was really good.”

“…Smoothie bowls?”

“Well, you did say whatever I want. Plus, it’s close to the pier. I can just park there, we cross the street to get the bowls, and then cross back.”

Lukas leaned back in his seat, still reeling from the nervousness. “Alright. Sounds good to me.”

The rest of the ride was mostly quiet, until Kat parked at the pier. “Looks like there’s a ton of people!” Kat called out as she left the driver seat, trying to speak over a loud gust of wind.

“At the pier?” Lukas asked as he got out of the car.

“No, the smoothie place. Pier looks pretty quiet today, actually. Looks like we’ll have it all to ourselves.”

The two stood in a long line trailing outside. Lukas thought about using his phone to pass the time, but then remembered what Cole had told him earlier.

“You have anything coming up in March?”

Kat looked over at him. She looked happy he was talking to her.

“What, like, performances?”

“I mean… anything, really.”

Kat rubbed her chin in thought. “Well, there’s spring break like always. We’re just going to Hawaii like we do every year. But I’ll try to bring back you and Cole a present. Any preferences?”

Lukas shrugged. “You know me, I’m a snack guy. The more exotic the better.”

Kat giggled at his response. “You two are so easy to shop for.”

As they got closer to the front of the line, another conversation started. This time it was Kat who brought it up.

“Do you mind if I ask you a sensitive question?”

The boy was a little concerned, but he accepted. “Go ahead.”

“Would you ever go on a date with one of our friends?”

Lukas felt goosebumps ring down his arms. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve just been thinking… cause of, you know, the Rose and Aaron thing… I do think the two of them are great for each other, and I’m glad they made it official. Part of me wants us all to be one big family, and so I got really happy and excited and emotional when it finally happened. But then I started thinking… I can also see how dating might bring drama that we’d be better off without. So I dunno… what do you think?”

Lukas thought about what he had rehearsed. He thought this might be something he can approach tactically.

“I don’t think there’s any problem in dating among friends. Like you said… I think it’s nice.”

Kat smiled at him. Lukas smiled back. A few moments later, they were called up to order.

…

With their smoothie bowls in hand, they began their walk towards the pier. It was at this point Kat asked one more question.

“Do you ever get jealous of Cole?”

Lukas looked taken aback. “No, why would I?”

“Sorry, that was a stupid question,” Kat looked towards the coast. “I think I get jealous of the other girls sometimes. Sadja sings so much better than me… Emily is so much smarter… Rose is just a total social butterfly. That sort of stuff. But I guess it’s pretty silly to compare myself to the best traits of every individual person.”

“You’re well rounded, that’s what matters. You might not be amazing in any one thing, but you’re great at all those things.”

“Aww, Luke!” She playfully hit him on the shoulder. “That’s really sweet of you to say. Abnormally sweet, even.”

“But I get what you mean. I don’t really get jealous at Cole, probably because I’ve known him for so long… I know his flaws counterbalance his strengths. But some of the others? Yeah, I could say I’ve felt that way about Aaron before. Or some of the other jocks.”

“The other jocks?”

“Oh, well, you know… nothing.”

Kat didn’t press any further. Instead, she looked towards the coast. “Well, here’s the pier. Hope we can find a spot to eat.”

As they made their way down the pier, they noticed most of the booths were surprisingly empty. Kat commented as much, while Lukas tried to handle his anxieties by interjecting a “Huh, wow,” or a “There’s really nobody”, each time punctuating it with nervous laughter. Internally though his heart was racing, and he fell back into his frenzied internal rehearsing.

Kat found them a spot to eat at a nice secluded table overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The ocean had become more calm, with there now being only an occasional gust of wind which caused a soft tide to thud against the pier’s supports. Lukas took a few spoonfuls of his meal, but he honestly wasn’t feeling hungry at all.

“Lukas,” Kat finally spoke up, her eyes anchored towards the glimmering shore. “I have something I want to tell you.”

Lukas felt his heart begin to thud. His already sweat-balmed hands began to sweat once more. He nodded, with a certain jankiness that gave away his feelings. “I have… something that, um, I’d like to tell you too.”

Kat’s eyes widened. “Oh, you do?”

Lukas hesitated. He had no idea what Kat would have to say to him. Part of him had a certain hopefulness, one that believed they might be thinking of the same thing. He thought perhaps it would be easier if she was the one to tell him.

“You can go first.”

Kat agreed, her fingers running through her bangs as she kept the hair out of her eyes.

“Well, you know… this past year, I got to know this guy. I told you and Cole about him before, but… his name’s Isaac. I met him through one of my close choir friends. He’s football guy – I know, I know – but he’s been really wonderful to me. He makes me laugh, he’s sensitive to my feelings, he’s… everything I’ve been looking for in a guy. And, I just… I came to you first, because I trust your opinion when it comes to these things. It’s just that…”

Kat turned to face the boy. She looked him right in the eyes.

“…I think I’m in love with him.”

Lukas froze up. In an instant his entire body went numb. It was as if a bullet had gone right through his heart, and now he was on his last few breaths. He didn’t know what to think. He couldn’t think.

“I… um… I…”

The boy struggled to get out any words, his hands gripping strongly at the bottom of his seat. Kat began to look confused.

“Lukas… you okay?”

“Yeah, I… it’s… the, um, the food… I feel sick, I…”

Before any more could be said, Lukas got up and rushed towards the restroom. Part of him was heartbroken, part of him was enraged, part of him defeated. When he came into the empty bathroom he immediately rushed towards the sink, turning it open and splashing cold water onto his face, trying his best to get himself to snap out of the agony those words had given him. He looked up towards the mirror and felt as though he could punch it into a million small cracks.

It was the lowest he had ever been.