March 27th, 2017

Kinsky, California, USA

Life Passing By

The kids were gathered around their usual table for lunch. While the hole that Cole left was immense, this time they were about as close as they had been since before the incident. Things almost looked normal.

“So, who did you guys vote for?” Sadja asked the group. “For king and queen.”

No one wanted to immediately answer the question. Instead, they all turned their heads towards Kat. Kat let out a sigh, leaning back against the concrete wall, and shrugged her shoulders.

“I don’t think I’m going to win, if that’s what you all are thinking,” Kat began. “Feel like I pissed off enough of the cheerleaders while I was dating Isaac to split the vote.”

“Who do you think will win then?” Rose asked her.

Kat looked up, thinking. “Might be Delilah, since she goes to all the parties. Then again, if enough normal people vote… I dunno. Did any of you guys nominate yourselves besides me?”

Kat was looking at the girls. The girls all looked at each other. There was another awkward silence.

A smile began to streak across Rodrigo’s face. “No shit,” he let out. “You all nominated yourselves for prom queen?”

“It’s just… it’s the thing you do, you know!” Rose let out defensively. “Besides, it’s not like I wasted my vote on myself. I voted for Kat. I just wanted to… you know, see what would happen.”

Rodrigo chuckled. “That really is some girl shit, man.”

Lukas turned over to the end of the table. “Even you, Ash?”

Ash looked rather melancholy by herself, motioning a plastic fork through her packed lunch. “Oh, well… only because Emily wanted me to. Otherwise I wouldn’t have cared.”

“Hey, I haven’t voted yet!” Sadja interjected. “I can throw you a vote.”

Ash shook her head vigorously, bringing her hands up. “No, really, don’t. I’m no good at that sort of stuff.”

“Come on! I think you’d be cute as a prom queen.”

Ash began to look flustered, so Maria turned towards the boys. “What about you guys? Any potential prom kings with us?”

Aaron, who had been observing the conversation near a pillar he had been leaning on, suddenly leaned off it and approached.

“Nah, Isaac is for sure gonna win that. But I figured I’d put my own hat in the ring, give him some competition. Courtesy of the basketball team.”

Lukas turned around towards him. “We allowed to vote twice if we abstained before? I skipped prom king, but if you’re in the running I can vote again.”

The conversation continued ambiently, with Kat only half listening. That was until she felt a tap on her shoulder, and realized Ash had moved to stand next to her.

“Hey Kat, is it okay if we talk privately?” she whispered to the girl.

Kat, a bit clueless, nodded her head and got up to follow Ash. Ash led the two to a more secluded section of the quad, where she finally turned back towards Kat.

“Listen… I need to know. Did you tell your dad about me needing the money for Alto?”

Kat looked confused. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but hesitated, as if she wasn’t really sure. “I… what makes you ask?” she finally let out.

“He came to me. Secretly. Said he would pay for the entire tuition himself, out of pocket.”

Kat’s eyes widened in shock. “Ash, I… I really…” She took a few steps back, brushing her fingers through her hair. “I told him that in confidence. I really, really didn’t think he would…”

“I just wanted to check, because, you know…” Ash seemed as though she was also unprepared for the conversation. “I just don’t want to be treated as the poor girl who needs saving.”

“Of course, of course. I totally understand. I’m… I’m really sorry about this, Ash.”

Ashlyn nodded. “No, it’s okay. No worries, I just wanted to let you know. I’ll probably, um… well, I’ll probably take him up on his offer anyway.”

“Only do it if you want to, really. And know that you owe nothing to him for this. And nothing to me, either. I’ll give him an earful when I get home.”

Ash began to lighten up, even though the girl in front of her seemed more tense than before. “Thanks Kat. Really, it’s no big deal.”

The two came in for a friendly hug, but as Kat took in the shorter girl all she could do was look in the distance, thinking about her father.

…

After school, the first thing Kat did was head upstairs and barge into her father’s office. Her father was looking over some papers at his desk, when he looked up from his reading glasses.

“What the hell?” Kat let out aggressively.

Mr. Wilkins was taken aback. “First of all, that’s no way to talk to your fath-”

“No, I don’t give a shit about how you want to be treated. Because clearly you don’t give a shit about me!”

Kat marched up to the desk where she dropped into a chair opposite of her father. Gordon knew exactly where this was going.

“Why would you do that? The one time I feel comfortable about telling you something and you fucking botch it! How can I trust you with anything now? Worse, why do I have to treat you with all this respect? You don’t respect me! You don’t care about my life, you don’t care about my feelings, all you want is for me to be your perfect little model daughter, to just shut up and do what I’m told!”

Kat began to cry as she spoke, tears flowing past her eyes as her voice began to break near the end. But perhaps most surprising was Gordon’s reaction.

He did nothing.

He watched his daughter, waiting for her to finish letting it all out, then waited for her sobbing to die down to the point where she grabbed some tissues off the desk and blew her nose. Only when she looked up at her father, expecting him to argue with her in turn, did he finally sit back in his chair and begin to speak.

“I don’t talk to you much about Maman and Peepaw, do I?”

Kat was surprised. He was referring to her grandparents, but called them by their casual names – something he almost never did.

“What… do they have to do with it?” Kat asked between a sniffle.

Gordon played with an ink pen in his right hand. “They aren’t an excuse, if that’s what you’re thinking. But perhaps they’re an explanation.” He took the pen and placed it in the chest pocket of his dress shirt. “They were real slave drivers. From Uppsala, I’m sure you remember. One day they decided they hated Sweden, and so they got up and took a one way flight all the way over to Mendocino California. They didn’t know anybody, barely spoke the language, and had some sort of argument or tussle with every single person they met. And yet, despite all of that, they persisted. And somewhere along the line, they had me.”

Gordon scooted up in his office chair, putting his elbows on his desk and twiddling his thumbs.

“I always had problems with them. No matter how well I behaved, how well I did in school, I would always go home and hear the same thing. ‘Pojke, quit playing with your damn toys and mow the lawn’, or ‘Pojke, go upstairs right now and study in your room’. Never an ounce of appreciation from them about what I did. Always frugal, too – never spent a dime, not even for my first car or my education.”

Gordon let out a deep sigh. He did not look Kat directly in the eyes, but rather off in the space of the room, a somewhat mournful expression sketched onto his face.

“Some of the other immigrant sons I’ve met in business told me they had equally demanding parents, but that they always had their child’s best interests at heart. But for me… I didn’t know. I never found out. But I ended up spending my whole life… and I mean, my whole life… trying to show that I was better than them. At getting an education, at dealing with people, at managing finances… and yes, at becoming a parent. And while I do think I might have proven that in some regards, when it comes to being a father… I think I’m beginning to finally have the sense to admit I know nothing more than they did.”

Finally, Gordon looked his daughter in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Katherine. I really am.”

Kat still had fresh tears in her eyes, but her demeanor had changed. She looked less tense, less troubled. She said nothing, but stood up from the chair. Gordon stood up too.

From the other side of the desk, Kat outstretched her arms. Gordon walked around the desk and reached over to hug her.

“Thank you, Dad,” she whispered, her head nuzzled in her father’s chest for the first time in years. “I appreciate you telling me.”

Gordon gracefully motioned his hand through his daughter’s golden hair. “I’m not just all talk, I promise you that.”

Kat let go, smiling. “Maybe if you start treating family like you treat business, it’ll go a lot better.”

Gordon smiled back. “Maybe. Come on, let’s go see what your mother is doing.”

The two walked out the room together, Gordon’s papers being left in a scatter on his desk.

…

At around the same time – but on the other side of Kinsky – Maurice Bryant was making a meal on a scrappy stove in the middle of a trailer park.

“Aight, think it’s about done,” he let out as he finally turned off the heat.

From the other room, Rodrigo walked in, wearing a fresh white wife-beater. “Smells great. By the way, sorry place is still a mess… haven’t really gotten the chance to clean up because of school, the hospital, everything…”

Maurice shook his head as he walked to a small wooden table, shoveling out the food onto two separate plates. “Nah, trust me. This is still way better than going back home. Besides, it’s a place we got all to ourselves. It’s perfect.”

The two sat down. Rodrigo, taking the first bite, whistled in satisfaction. “Damn bitch, when’d you learn to cook so good?!”

Maurice smirked. “Had to, growing up. Otherwise Emily and I would have no food while mom was out. It was either learning to cook or dealing with the gross ass frozen dinners she left us.”

Rodrigo dug in further, clearly enjoying himself. “And to believe this is the first time I’ve had your food…” he muttered as he wiped his mouth with a paper napkin.

The two ate for a while in silence, before Maurice moved onto a different – and more solemn – topic.

“So… what are you gonna do, now that she’s gone?”

Rodrigo stopped eating, sitting and thinking with his fork still in his hand. “Well, I don’t gotta worry about her medical debt, at least. Hospital squashed that, probably because they found out I’m some broke gay Latino boy with no family for miles. Figured they were never getting a dime of that shit, and they’re right.”

He leaned back, and his face began to change. He looked defeated.

“But I’ll have to leave. State is taking the trailer, and I don’t have any money on me for anything else. Will probably move in with my aunt back in Nevada, then stay with her until I get a job and get enough to find a place of my own.”

“I’ll come with you, then. Won’t take nearly as long if there’s two people earning.”

“No… no way. I’m not gonna uproot your life. Go to university, do something good. I can’t drag you down with me.”

Maurice leaned forward on his stool. “Rodrigo… you ain’t dragging me anywhere. As far as I know, you are my life.”

Rodrigo turned his head up to look at him. The two smiled, but Rodrigo said nothing more and went back to eating.

“Well, we can worry about that later. I’m safe until after graduation,” Rodrigo finally continued, avoiding the topic. “Let’s finish this so we can head to the party, yeah?”

Maurice nodded, letting the conversation go. The two spent the rest of the time in silence, finishing their food.

…

The party at Aaron’s was later that night. This time, however, it was only the boys – minus Isaac – as they all congregated near the large dining table with plenty of food and booze.

“Hey, have you guys heard of… that Peterson guy?” Aaron mentioned, already a few beers in. “That Canadian professor dude who got in trouble for the pronouns or whatever?”

Lukas, who was over on the couch playing a game with Maurice, was the only one to turn his head. “Yeah. What about him?”

“Well, I looked a little bit deeper into him… saw some videos he did… and the guy actually does have some pretty good ideas, ya know?”

Lukas let out a laugh. “Better not tell Rose that.”

“Oh, trust me, I’ve still got enough brain cells to keep my common sense. And I’m not no anti-trans guy either. I think you can call yourself whatever the fuck you want. But his other shit… it’s really enlightening, man. I finally feel like I understand the whole gender thing a lot more than I have pretty much my entire fuckin’ life.”

“And how’s that work out?” Russell asked, eating a slice of pizza across from where Aaron was sitting.

Aaron suddenly turned into lecture mode. “Well, hold on, I’ll give you an example. Let me ask you: why do girls wear booty shorts, or lipstick, or tight dresses? Why do they put all this effort into fashion and shit?”

At first, none of the boys gave an answer. Lukas shrunk back in his seat in case the conversation was going in the place he thought it would be.

“I dunno,” Rodrigo finally let out, entertaining Aaron’s conversation. “Maybe they just like that sort of stuff? Like they were born into liking it?”

Aaron, in his drunken stupor, shook his head vigorously. “Nah, nah! It’s because they want to get fucked, man! What they’re doing is they’re showing off their body to any potential mates, just like what a fuckin’ peacock or whatever does. And if they don’t want to be fucked, they’d go around wearing a burlap sack ass fit like Ash. It makes perfect fucking sense. Just try giving me another answer!”

“What about guys, though?” Maurice asked while playing the game with Lukas. “Wouldn’t guys be doing the same thing?”

“Well, that’s exactly it – we also do the same thing. That’s why it ain’t misogynistic. But the guy thing just looks different. Instead of clothes and makeup and shit, we get buff and play sports. Girls love a guy who can protect him, just like guys love a girl with a fat ass.”

Aaron began to let out a laugh as he finished his sentence, and the rest of the room responded in kind. Lukas got up to get another pizza, and things continued like normal.

…

That night, Isaac was doing something he rarely did – study. Suddenly, however, his focus was interrupted by the vibration of his phone. Expecting it to be one of his usual friends, he was surprised to see an ID that was someone he wasn’t expecting at all.

“Hey, Sadja?” Isaac let out rather amicably when he answered the call.

“Uh… yeah… hey,” Sadja let out on the other line. It sounded like she was sniffling on the other end. “Sorry, I’m a little… drunk, to be honest,” she quickly clarified.

Isaac chuckled. “Hey, it’s no problem. What’d you want to call me about?”

“Oh, it’s just… I don’t even know, really.”

“You want to hang out sometime this weekend?”

“No, actually. I don’t. It’s, uh… it’s about that.”

Isaac felt his heart sink a little, but said nothing and let the girl keep going.

“I just… I was acting really stupid last month, if I’m gonna be honest. And I’m not blaming you or anything, because it really isn’t your fault. But now that it’s been a few weeks, I feel like shit… doing that, to Kat, and everything… and I just wanted you to know, I guess, so you would know how I felt? I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m calling, really.”

Isaac paused for a moment. “You’re saying you regret having sex with me?”

Sadja let out a short little laugh on the other end. “Well I was hoping to put it a little more… gently. But yeah, I guess.”

Isaac nodded, even though Sadja couldn’t see it. “No, I get it. Drunk sex tends to have that effect. I won’t tell anybody about it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I don’t just go around telling everyone about my sexual exploits, you know. And just in case Kat does find out, I’ll have your back on the whole thing, yeah?”

There was static for a bit, on the other end. Isaac was beginning to worry he said something when suddenly Sadja came back.

“Thanks. I wasn’t lying when I said you were a lot better than I thought you were. Honest.”

Isaac smiled. “I like to see myself as a chivalrous douchebag. A frat boy with honor, you know.”

Sadja laughed again. “Yeah, I, uh… this whole thing with Cole, and my sister being in town… I don’t have a great relationship with her… and then on top of all that, this… it was really beginning to freak me out inside. I’m glad I could deal with at least one of those.”

“Hey, it’s been a hard year on all of us. You look real put together at school, if that makes you feel better.”

“Oh, come on. Stop.”

“It was an honest compliment! I wasn’t flirting.”

Sadja let out one last short laugh, before giving a moment of silence. “Yeah, well… I’ll see you at school, then.”

“Bye, Sadja.”

“Bye… Isaac.”

Sadja ended the phone call. Isaac looked down at his phone rather curiously, then put it down and went back to work.

…

“They’re good, right?” Rose asked.

Maria took another bite of the confection while the two were sitting out on the Cortez house porch at night. “Mmm, they are,” Maria let out. “Glad there’s finally another bakery in Kinsky. I was getting tired of the same old food.”

Rose smiled. “It’s owned by a Chinese couple, so they specialize in East Asian stuff. My family’s really excited for it.” Rose turned and leaned back in the rocking chair, looking out at the front porch’s near perfect view of the night sky. “So… how have you been holding up?”

“To be honest,” Maria began as she finished up the pastry, “at this point I’m just trying to get back to normal. Find some sort of return to a regular, boring life. Between the stupid investigation last semester that led to nowhere… and now all this stuff about Cole… I’m beginning to realize something. That sometimes you go into stuff with full confidence, like you’re really gonna do good, that things are going to change for the better because of it… and you fail horribly. And only then you realize you didn’t have anything going for you from the start.”

“Maria-”

“No, no. I don’t mean it in like, a depressed way. Just a fact of life sort of way. I’m just ready to move on now, you know?”

Rose was silent, for a while. “I can get that. But for the rest of us… we’re just finding out about all this now.”

Maria gave a solemn nod. “I get it. Maybe things would’ve worked out better if we had been open about the truth of it from the start. That Anita… had the trouble she had.”

“It’s not your fault for hiding it. I get all that. I think I just mean… the wounds are fresher for me, you know? The anger. I’m mostly just angry about it.”

Maria moved around her fingers anxiously. “I know what you mean. I went through my angry phase, too… I can’t believe I went on a date with him at the pier, to say I was in love with him, when he-”

Maria suddenly stopped. Rose turned towards her, and saw the girl had turned wide-eyed.

“…Maria?” Rose asked cautiously.

“Oh my God, I just…” Maria stammered, still unsure how to describe her revelation. “…when he, when we were at the pier… he said he wanted to tell me something. I was so naive, I-I thought he was going to confess too… but he said it was something else. A-and then, when I told him I loved him, he… he freaked out, I thought he just… I thought he just didn’t like me back, but…”

“You think… he was going to tell you about Anita?” Rose whispered.

Maria met her in her eyes. “I think so. Maybe that was it.”

Rose’s hand on the armchair rest began to ball up into a fist. “God, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse. What could he have possibly said, how could he have possibly spun it? Maybe he was just going to lie to you so he couldn’t get in trouble. What a disgusting piece of shit. It’s probably better you never heard it.”

“Yeah…” Maria let off absently, her eyes now drawn to the wooden porch floor. “I guess there’s no way I could ever know now, huh?”

The two sat there, emotions high, but both unable to say anything else. After a minute or so of tense silence, Maria stood up.

“I should probably get to bed. You should head back home, before it gets too dark.”

Rose looked like she snapped out of it. “Uh, yeah… Yeah.”

The two hugged and said their goodbyes. After Rose went back to her car, Maria turned off the porch light and went inside.