February 5th, 2017

Kinsky, California, USA

All Along the Watchtower

Sadja had driven into the Kinsky High parking lot when she noticed a red coupe that had been following behind her did the same. She was unfamiliar with the car, however she also wasn’t an expert at every car that was regularly parked. She found her regular spot open – one closer to the field than to the entrance – and put it in park. 

She was just about to get out when she noticed the other car parked right up besides her.

Something in Sadja’s mind lit up – a sense of caution that had been instilled in her since she was young. She couldn’t quite make out the face of the person in the driver seat, other than that the second they parked they had taken out their phone. She felt something was wrong.

Beginning to get nervous, Sadja continued to wait inside her car for the other driver to leave first. But they just stayed there – browsing their phone, as if waiting for Sadja to make the first move. Part of her realized that if she waited too long she might run late for class. She wondered if this driver would ever get out of the car at all.

Eventually, after almost five minutes, she decided to risk it. She grabbed her backpack and, with quick smooth motions, opened the car door, closed and locked it, then rushed over and past the large metal fence. It was only then that she stopped to turn around and see what the driver had done.

Nothing. The driver was still in their car, looking over their phone. It was all a false alarm.

“Fuckin’ asshole,” Sadja whispered to herself, as she slung her backpack over her shoulder and continued walking normally towards the tables.

…

“So anyway… that’s why I’m almost ten minutes later than usual,” Sadja concluded as she recounted her story to the girls. “Guys really need to learn some self-awareness.”

The girls around her seemed to agree. “I tried teaching Maurice about it, the whole ‘lingering in the car’ thing specifically,” Emily commented. “Not sure how much he took it to heart, but I think he’s getting better at it.”

Kat was drinking a coffee from a straw. She got it from a place her and Rose had stopped by on the way to school. 

“Reminds me of something my manager at the theater would do.”

“Oh God, Travis? That creep?” Rose interjected back.

Kat nodded. “I would be cleaning the popcorn machines in the morning, and he would just stand in the back and watch me do it. He wasn’t doing any other work, and it’s not like it was my first time cleaning out the machines either. It just kind of freaked me out.”

“Was that the reason you quit?” Maria asked from the adjacent side of the table. She had her own coffee, a gift from Rose and Kat. 

“It was… one of the reasons. I just felt unsafe there in general. He’d get way too close, touch me on my arm, stuff like that. I think Ciara got it even worse. But I also heard he got sacked a few days after I quit anyway.”

“You think your dad got him fired?” Rose asked, a bit of a smirk on her face.

“Oh, please. You think I told my dad about this?” Kat let out a little laugh. “I just told him I didn’t like working at a movie theater.” There was a bit of a pause as leaned her chin onto her straw and looked out towards the other kids at the courtyard. “I do feel kind of bad for the guy, though. He was forty years old and still working at a Cinestar. I wonder where he is now.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad,” Sadja let out. “Maybe if he was working at a Cinestar and wasn’t sexually harassing high school girls.”

“True. But it still makes you wonder how people end up that way.”

The conversation topic seemed to die down from there, as the girls moved on to talking about the trivialities of high school life.

…

Rodrigo stared at the open seat in Mr. Vince’s English class. It was in moments like this that death really kicked in. When he first saw it, he was almost tempted to ask Lukas why Cole was out that day. But then he remembered, and all the pain came flooding back.

Mr. Vince, nor the school in general, really ever acknowledged Cole’s death. As you went through the hallways you could hear the rumors of why the popular senior was gone. Many were able to figure out he was dead, and some even correctly labeled it as a suicide. But no one ever got close to the full truth.

If Vince knew, he never let on that he did. All his classes since the incident continued on as normal.

“Alright, so today we’re going to be coming back to Daniel Whitney. I imagine some of you will enjoy this, others will probably be disappointed.” The teacher turned towards the chalkboard and began to scribble down some notes. “We learned earlier from Sophocles and Freud of the Oedipal complex, the proverbial destiny of a young man to hate his father and love his mother, ingrained in his sexuality. You can suppose a young gay man would have the opposite: love his father and grow to hate his mother.”

Rodrigo thought about the concept in his head. He always wondered about his dad, but since he never knew him he had a hard time believing he would like him a whole lot. And he didn’t have too strong of an opinion of his mother, but that wasn’t something he wanted to think about right now. 

“But today, I wanted to take this relationship from a different point of reference…” Mr. Vince walked away from the board, to reveal he had made a small family tree consisting of Mother, Daughter, Father, and Son. “That being the one that Whitney mentions, of the father. He refers to it as the ‘Reverse-Oedipal Complex’.”

“You mean the dad wanting to bang his daughter?” one of the delinquents in the back shouted out. A few kids around him started to laugh, and Rodrigo himself had to stifle a chuckle.

“Well… not exactly, Bastiel,” the teacher continued after the laughter had died down. “Remember, Whitney’s protagonist laments over the fact that he does not have a daughter throughout the book. And while he never outwardly explains his desire, it becomes clear that due to his grim and rugged life he wishes to bring a legacy of something he sees as pure and innocent. And, sure enough – just like the original Oedipal complex, many men share this same wish.”

Rodrigo thought about the point. He did agree it seemed easier to raise a girl. But wait – since he was gay, wouldn’t it mean he wanted a boy instead? He didn’t quite get the logic.

Mr. Vince continued. “Part of it might connect back to sensuality, but it more so just emphasizes how much more men think of and rely upon women than women think of men. In reality, men make almost all of their decisions centered around that of women – either for sex or for comfort.”

At this point, Rodrigo just surveyed the room. Most of the girls looked a bit confused, perhaps uncomfortable, but interestingly enough there was a look on most of the boy’s faces that seemed to show they knew what the teacher was talking about. Rodrigo personally didn’t understand it too much. He tried looking over at those he knew, only to realize they gave unfortunately lackluster reactions. Ash simply wrote down notes, while Kat looked like she was only half paying attention. The only other person in the class who he knew well – Lukas – simply held his head down, looking at his bandaged hand.

Rodrigo felt bad for him.

…

As Lukas walked out of the English classroom, Aaron approached him in the intersection.

“Hey, everything good my man?”

They didn’t dap up as they usually did. Instead, both looked down at Lukas’ hand.

“Yeah… I’m doing alright,” Lukas replied meekly. He gave the same posture as an injured animal. “I’m really sorry about your bathroom.”

“Lukas, I’m a lot more concerned about your hand than my bathroom tile.” Aaron looked at him empathetically as he gently patted his uninjured arm. “I just told my parents I dropped something on it. It’s no big deal.”

The two stopped briefly, turned to look at the flow of traffic going through the halls. Aaron felt like he had to say more.

“Hey, me and the guys are gonna go to Koko’s later. Might check downtown, too. You want to come?”

“Sorry, I, actually, uh…” Lukas scratched the back of his head with his normal hand, unsure whether or not to tell Aaron the truth. “It’s Cole’s funeral today.”

“Wait, shit, really?” Aaron looked shocked. “I-I didn’t know, really, I- if I was, I’d have gotten prepared-”

“Nah, we didn’t tell anyone. We figured it was… probably better, given the circumstances.”

Aaron felt as though there was something the boy wasn’t telling him. Still, he didn’t want to push it. “Alright then, man. Send off some prayers for me, yeah?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

Lukas walked off from there. Kat was waiting for him nearby, and reached out to put her hand around his arm. Aaron watched the two until they disappeared around a corner.

…

St. Agnes Cemetery, a few miles inland of Kinsky, was sparse and barren that day. The incoming winter chill had turned the park’s grass yellow and its trees dormant. It added to all the numb sadness Lukas already felt that day.

While the minister spoke, the boy looked around. It was just him, Kat, Marion, and the minister – alongside a few staff members who helped bring the coffin to its resting point. The outside world was quiet, save for the wind. It sickened him.

“There’s no one even here to say goodbye,” Lukas muttered under his breath, the cold air causing fog to rise out of his mouth. Kat, who wore a black wool coat, gripped her leather glove around his uninjured left hand.

“It’s better this way. Given how things are…” She seemed as though she wanted to say more, but perhaps out of respect for the minister – or even the worry of causing a scene – she said nothing else. 

The minister finished, and each person in attendance gave their prayer. The coffin was lowered into the ground, and Lukas helped the staff cover it all in the dirt. Then it was over.

After Lukas returned the shovel, he turned towards Marion, who was still looking down at the ground where Cole was buried. Lukas had never spoken to Marion with any depth, and he had no idea how he would start. But, in kindness, he walked up and approached her.

“Sorry the service was so small,” Lukas commented. Marion, like most of the adults, had no clue about the rumors.

“I don’t think Cole would’ve minded,” she replied. It was her typical monotone pattern – she didn’t betray any emotion she might have had in that moment. “He was a lot like me. I think a big procession of people weeping over how sad it was to lose him just would’ve just been annoying. The most important thing is that you and Kat were here. That’s all he would’ve wanted.”

The comment made Lukas smile a bit. Marion was right – Cole was different. The boy certainly wasn’t introverted, but he was humble. Where Lukas saw something lonesome and depressing others might have seen as peaceful and calming. The winter breeze took on a new meaning now.

“Oh, but that reminds me,” Marion broke out after the two enjoyed the silence for a while. “Cole had told me there was something he wanted you to have, in the case he was ever gone. I never really took him seriously, but… now that he is gone, I guess you really ought to have it.”

This surprised Lukas. He turned his head towards the older woman, who was still looking down at the grave.

“You mean something for me and Kat? Like a keepsake?”

“No. Just you. He never mentioned Kat.”

That remark made things even stranger. He turned his head around to look at Kat – she was off in the distance, still in a conversation with the minister. Lukas turned back towards Marion.

“What was it?”

“A small chest. I got it for him when he was in middle school, I think. He kept things in it – notes and stuff – but, since I wanted to keep his privacy, I never looked at it.”

Lukas could feel his heart skip a beat.

All this time, he was beaten up over the fact that Cole had never been able to tell his side of the story. But as it turned out, he might have thought ahead. He might have known this was coming. And he wanted Lukas to know the whole thing.

“I’ll come by to get it sometime. Maybe this weekend?”

Marion nodded. “Any time is alright, kid. You just text me.”

It was at this time that Marion finally broke away from looking at the gravestone, as if she tore herself out of a trance. She tilted her head up, ever slightly, towards the sky.

“It’s funny,” she spoke again. “Even though he wasn’t mine, I can barely remember a time without him.”

A few moments later Kat finally came back towards the two, and the teens said their goodbye to Cole’s only guardian.