November 10th, 2016

Mount Oswald, California, USA

Cabin, II

Lukas didn’t really sleep that night. He tossed and turned and covered his head with a pillow, and at some point he must have passed out from the exhaustion. When he finally came to, the sun was out. He rubbed his eyes and groggily sat up on the couch. The house was quiet.

Then he remembered what happened the night before.

A frustration built up again inside him. Part of him was mad at himself for how much he had screwed the whole thing up. Part of him was mad at Kat for making all of it so difficult. Part of him was mad at nothing in particular.

The more he thought, the more the rage built inside him. In the peak of the fit he quickly grabbed the pillow he had and threw it violently against the wall. It hit with a sharp thud, then landed on the tiled ground below. The house was quiet again.

Lukas walked out to the back patio. The fireplace was now ash and dust. He realized his plate, which in his fervor he forgot to bring in with him, was gone from the bench. Kat had to have brought it in with her. Small details like these hit the hardest. 

He walked down the patio steps to the start of the forest. The ambient sounds of the wildlife calmed him, if only a bit. He stood there, head down, eyes closed. Trying to take it in, and block the rest of his thoughts out. Suddenly, he heard a voice somewhere behind him.

“Well, you’re up early.”

Lukas turned around. There was a little swinging wooden bench at the side of the house. Aaron sat there looking at him.

“What time is it?” 

Aaron shrugged. “A little past five.”

Lukas put his hands in his pockets and walked up to the swinging bench. As he approached Aaron scooted over to give Lukas some space to sit down. Once Lukas did sit, Aaron gave him a once-over.

“You look like shit,” Aaron commented. “Something happen?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Aaron obliged. He turned his head back towards the forest, and stretched his arms out.

“I can’t help but notice you haven’t asked the question, ‘Aaron, what are you doing at this ungodly hour?’”

Lukas turned towards him. Aaron smiled.

“I’m looking for a bird.”

The blonde teen’s eyes looked at Aaron skeptically. “A bird?”

Aaron reached to his side, and took out a small blue book. On its cover was a collage of animals and plants, as well as a title that read:

THE NATIONAL AUDUBON SOCIETY

FLORA AND FAUNA OF NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

“There is a bird that comes to Kinsky once a year,” Aaron began to explain. “It’s known as the diomedeo. Big, fat, blue bird with a black chest. Not to be confused with albatrosses — diomedea. During the summer they stay up near Washington state, and when it starts to be winter they migrate towards Mexico. But they stop in several locations on the way. And, one of the places they stop at… is here, in Mount Oswald. Roughly from late October to early November.”

Lukas took the information in, then looked towards the forest. “Aaron McNamara. Bird watcher. Huh, don’t think I could have predicted that one.”

A fresh smile glazed Aaron’s face. “I like to keep people guessing. Anyway, you wanna help me find one of these things?”

With not much to do and a lot to forget, Lukas agreed. Aaron excitedly hopped off the bench and led the other boy down into the forest.

The two didn’t do much talking as they got under the foliage. Aaron kept quiet, and Lukas figured he ought to as well. Every so often Aaron would stop, and raise his hand, and Lukas would stop in response. Then Aaron would wait a bit, before continuing off in some other direction. Lukas would follow. It continued like this for a while.

They covered a large area around the cabin, yet didn’t find anything particularly of note. It was when they began to head back in the direction of the house that Aaron spotted something, and for the first time called out to Lukas.

“Yo, Lukas!” Aaron spoke quietly, but with emphasis. “Check this out — a creek!”

Lukas followed him down a ledge and, sure enough, saw what he was talking about. The creek bed seemed to go on the right past any visible field, a continuous roaring of waves against rock. At the left, however, was a small waterfall that served as the lead-in for the rest. Strangely enough, the waterfall was connected to a large cliffside.

“Where’s the water coming from?” Lukas asked aloud, as he looked up at the cliff.

“Must be a water reservoir within the rock, or something.”

Lukas squinted his eyes, and shook his head. “No, it can’t be. There’s no way for the water to have-”

“Shh, Lukas!”

Lukas stayed quiet. He turned back towards Aaron for confirmation. 

“You hear that?” Aaron whispered.

At first the boy had no idea what his friend was talking about. And yet, as he listened to the natural soundscape, a new voice could be heard. A low, bellowing bird call went off somewhere in the distance.

“Is that it?”

Aaron answered by putting a finger to his lips. Carefully he walked down in the direction of the call, treading lightly to avoid the dry leaves which lined the ground. Lukas did his best to follow the impression.

A few steps later, and Aaron stopped. He pointed.

Sure enough, sitting there on a long oak branch, was a bird Lukas didn’t recognize. It was deep blue, and its weight beared down on the branch; just as Aaron had described it. It had a long black beak, and a triangle head similar to that of a blue jay. It had black, beady eyes. They looked across to the sky for a few moments, before finally being trained on Lukas.

In those moments, Lukas found himself in another trance. But it was completely unlike the one he had been in the night before. There was nothing beautiful about it — there was no Kat, no singing, no friends. Just the bird’s big eyes staring at him, watching him, and Lukas’ face reflecting on its black glossy surface.

Suddenly, the bird launched off the branch and flew back into the sky. At around the same time, a voice called to them from just out of view.

“Hey boys, breakfast is ready!” It was Sadja.

Aaron shook his head vigorously, his phone in his hand. “Shit, I wasn’t able to get the picture off in time. You’ll back me up that we saw it though, right?”

Lukas nodded his head. The two walked back over to the cabin. As Lukas approached the door, he noticed Kat behind Sadja on the other side. He hid his head as he walked briskly past.

The group sat together at a dining table in the kitchen. Lukas sat on Sadja’s side, while Kat, Rose, and Aaron sat on the other end.

“So, what were you guys doing out there?” Sadja asked as she took a bite of her bagel.

“We saw the bird!” Aaron proclaimed triumphantly.

Rose leaned over to him. “Oh, you mean the fat blue one you showed me?”

Aaron chewed on some bacon in his hand. “Yeah, it was just hanging there on that branch. Of course, Sadja had to go and scare it off.”

Sadja had opened up her bagel, breaking a bacon slice in two and putting it on top of the cream cheese. “I didn’t know!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Besides, I have Lukas as my witness.”

Rose looked over at Sadja’s plate. “I thought you weren’t allowed to have pork?”

“Not allowed to have pork with my relatives. An important distinction.” She took a bite of the bagel.

Rose smiled. “That’s funny, I’ve never noticed you ate it until now.”

At this point, Kat finally spoke up. She looked forward, into the same big window Aaron had the night before. She was different. Her energy was off. Her voice was a near whisper when she spoke.

“It’s nice outside. Maybe we can check out the ravine.”

Aaron turned toward her. “Shit Kat, you’re right. We should try it.” He got up from the table, finishing up his food. “It’s not too far from here — we could all walk to it. I’ll change into my stuff.”

The others followed not long after — with the exception of Lukas, who at one point was the only one still in the kitchen. When Aaron came back downstairs with his swim trunks, he looked over at Lukas standing alone.

“Yo, you gonna come?”

Lukas came back to reality, and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. “Oh, uh… I forgot to bring my swim shorts.”

Aaron shook his head. “Just go in your underwear, then. Hell, you could go full-on naked if you want. The water is clean and we’re all friends here.”

Sadja rounded the corner, wearing a purple bikini and carrying a towel and some extra clothes over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t go that far. But still, you should join us.”

Lukas gave a weak affirmative. Kat and Rose came back to the main area as well, in a black and floral-patterned swimsuit, respectively. Aaron gathered the group up and they went off on the trail.

Lukas trailed the other four, walking on his own. This time Kat didn’t try to walk besides him — instead she stayed with the others. This didn’t do much to help him. In some ways, it made it worse. 

About halfway down the trail, Rose stopped and looked back at Lukas. The others kept going. She stayed in place until Lukas came close, then began walking with him.

“You doing alright, hun?” Rose asked gently. 

Lukas nodded, though lacked direct eye contact. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. Just tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Rose nodded. “You don’t have to swim, if you don’t want to. I know how pushy Aaron can be, but he just does that because he wants you to feel involved.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Really.”

She smiled. The rest of the time she stayed by Lukas’ side, walking with him. He appreciated the sentiment, though he also knew she wouldn’t be able to solve his problems.

The group eventually made it to the ravine. It was a narrow stretch of clear blue water surrounded by two large cliff faces. Sadja walked over to the water first, and dipped her foot in. She looked back at the others with a bright smile on her face.

“It’s perfect! Come on in.”

Rose and Sadja came into the water casually, slowly wading through its surface — a move that was all for naught as Aaron dived into the river and splashed both girls in the process. Kat, on the other hand, was reluctant — at first she only watched the water, but eventually she submerged herself and swam forward to meet the others. Lukas didn’t go in, but rather took his shoes off and dipped his feet into the cool water. It felt therapeutic, in a way. But he was still distant from the others.

“Come on, Lukas!” Aaron called out to him from the other end of the ravine. “You gonna have me swim with all these beautiful girls by myself?”

Lukas shook his head. “It’s fine! I’m alright here.”

Aaron gave him a dismissive wave, and continued swimming with the others. Lukas tried taking in the scenery. He lowered his head and looked at his reflection in the waves. It reminded him of what he had seen when the bird watched him. There was something empty about it; yet, this time, it was calming as well. He was alone, but he also felt at peace, for the first moment in the entire day.

At some point, Lukas heard the sound of swimming getting closer. He thought the others were already getting out, but it was just Kat. She rested her arms down on the ledge where Lukas was sitting. She leaned over towards him and whispered.

“Hey… I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you think.”

Lukas kept looking at the water. “It’s okay. I know.”

Kat hesitated for a moment. She looked back at the other three, splashing each other and laughing on the other side of the pool, then looked towards Lukas’ face. “Are you… mad at me?”

“What? No, no. Of course not.” Lukas’ reaction was kneejerk, and he shook his head vigorously when he spoke. This wasn’t a complete truth — a deeper part of him was upset with Kat, but it was with the concept of Kat rather than the girl herself. He didn’t dare bring that part up. 

Kat nodded. “Okay. I just wanted to make sure you knew that there wasn’t anything… bad between us, just because of one little incident.”

Lukas, of course, knew the incident was much bigger to him than Kat thought. But he also wanted to move on as fast as he could. “Yeah, I get it. I’m just taking some time to get over it. I told Rose that it was because I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep. Which isn’t really a lie, anyway.”

“Yeah, she told me that. I told her we were both up late last night, so if we act weird… that’s why.”

Both teens were circling around the bigger issue. But it stayed that way, as Kat pushed herself back off the ledge, and began swimming once again towards the other friends. Lukas stayed, watching them from a distance.

…

The group checked out of the cabin in the afternoon. The group left as they had come in — Aaron, Sadja, and Rose packed their stuff into the sedan, while Kat and Lukas got inside the shabby pickup. The two sets of friends waved goodbye to each other, and began the drive back to Kinsky.

The drive there was quiet, yet filled with a gentle energy. This trip was the opposite. Lukas stuck himself as far as he could away from Kat, within the passenger seat, dreading whatever came next in this chapter of his life. Kat, trying her best to focus on the road, continued to find her mind wander, faster and faster, in the same circles. She was the first one to speak up.

“Did you have fun?”

For the first time in the drive, Lukas turned toward her. “Huh?”

“I mean, overall. The whole trip. It was fun for you, right?”

It was hard to find any fun in it at this point, but Lukas nodded his head anyway. “Yeah, it was.”

“Okay, good.” She continued driving, but her mind seemed unsatisfied with stopping there. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, and I can understand that. I just want you to know that… I trust you, Lukas. If you’re afraid this will hurt the relationship we have, it won’t. I won’t let it. Besides… you don’t want to fall in love with me, anyway. I’m a hard person to love.”

This speech, well meaning from Kat, was like poison to Lukas’ ears. Not a single part of it sat well with him. It felt, in his emotional state, like Kat was lying to him to make him feel better. No; lying to make herself feel better. Yet, out of all the things she said, both at this moment and beforehand, nothing stung quite as hard as those three words: I trust you.

Suddenly, Lukas blurted out. He hadn’t even realized what he said until the words had come out and it was already too late.

“You shouldn’t trust me.”

Kat turned to look at him. “Lukas, don’t say that.”

Lukas’ nervous energy increased tenfold. He quickly rolled it back. “I-I’m sorry, I’m just… I’m just saying things.”

Kat glanced over at him, but didn’t say anything else. The rest of the car ride was silent.

…

When the cars arrived back in Kinsky, they stopped at the same place they had met up the day before. Waiting for them, on the same bench Lukas had been on, was Cole.

As the cars pulled up, Cole got up to greet them. Lukas came out of the passenger seat, slugging his backpack over his shoulder. He walked quickly away.

“Hey, how was the trip?” Cole tried to ask him as he passed by.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Before Cole could react, the boy already began walking down the street. A bit disorientated, Cole turned over to the pickup, only to see it was already pulling out and driving away.

Sadja got her suitcase out of the back of the sedan, and began rolling it over to Cole. Cole rushed over to meet her.

“What happened?” He whispered to her.

“I… I don’t know. I left them alone, last night… and they’ve been acting like this since this morning.”

Cole turned to watch Lukas walking away further down the street. He turned back to Sadja. “I’m going to try and talk to Lukas about it, later today. Can you do the same for Kat?”

Sadja nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Cole patted Sadja on the shoulder, then waved at Aaron and Rose, who were returning to the house. From there, the group split back up again.

…

Later that night, around dinner time, Sadja and Kat walked into a Thai restaurant in downtown Kinsky. The restaurant was relatively busy, but the two took a booth off in a more secluded section of the restaurant.

“Hey, thanks for inviting me here,” Kat told Sadja after she gave the waitress her order and handed back the menu.

“No prob. I just figure you might still be hungry, after all that swimming and walking and driving and stuff.”

Kat smiled and she took a sip of her water. Sadja continued onward.

“So, what’s your final review? Of the trip, I mean.”

“Oh, it was great. I’m glad we got Aaron as our tour guide. Feels like he knows the whole county really well.”

Sadja leaned down and took a sip of water herself. “I saw you hanging out with Lukas a lot. It’s good to see you two together again, as friends.”

This prompted the demeanor in Kat’s face to change. Sadja noticed this, and anxiously looked down at her cup, realizing there was trouble.

“Um… yeah.” Kat spoke, deep in thought. “Yeah, it is.”

Sadja cautiously looked up. “Is something wrong?”

“I…” Kat swirled the straw around her water, causing the ice blocks to hit and bounce off one another. She looked back up at Sadja. “Can you… promise not to tell anyone this?”

Sadja nodded. “O-Of course.” Speaking that this whole dinner had been to collect info for Cole, the Persian girl already felt uneasy. 

“Well… last night, after you left… It was just me and Lukas. And he, um… he started coming on to me. Nothing weird, or anything like that. I don’t blame him at all for it, I just… I don’t know. In the heat of the moment I was so flustered with the whole thing that I acted in a way that just felt insensitive towards him. But it was all so quick, and I didn’t know what to do, and…”

The waitress started coming their way, and Kat paused the conversation. The woman dropped off two rice plates in front of the girls, then headed back off. Sadja looked concerned.

“You didn’t know what to do, huh?”

Kat looked down, shaking her head. “It’s hard, Sadj. It’s really hard. I think about the relationship I had with Isaac… and I compare that to the relationship I have with Lukas, and it just feels so different. I’m afraid that if I were to say yes to him, that things would be different in a way that just wouldn’t work out for us. But at the same time, I tell him no… I don’t want him to hurt like that.”

Sadja leaned in. “Well, do you love him?”

“I don’t know! I love Lukas, but I also love you. I love Cole, and all the rest of our friends. I love my mom, and I love my dad too — even though he drives me nuts sometimes. But all these feelings are uniquely different from, you know, real love. I just… I don’t really know what to do.”

Sadja saw the frustration in her friend’s face. She looked at her in pity, and began to speak.

“Yeah, it’s… it’s hard. I, um…” The choir girl continued to struggle for words, as she watched her captain go to near tears. At this point, she sighed, and shook her head. “Oh, shit. I really am a terrible liar. Listen, Kat… Cole and I… we set it up.”

Kat raised her head to face the speaker. “…What?”

“I-I mean, we didn’t tell you. We didn’t tell Lukas, either. But… we basically set it up so that the two of you would be together the full trip. And that you two would have the perfect chance to… you know… ask each other out. Because we think the two of you would be good together, Kat. That’s all.”

Kat hesitated. Then she gave a deep sigh, and shook her head. 

“Oh, guys…”

“I know I messed up, Kat. I’m sorry. I really messed up. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or Lukas. I… we just… Lukas has liked you for a really long time, you know, and…”

“He has, hasn’t he.” 

Sadja looked up. Kat had spoken in the frame of a question, but it sounded more like a statement. Her voice was a whisper when she spoke. Now, she closed her eyes. The volume of her voice increased, just enough for Sadja to easily hear.

“I just wanted a friend, Sadj. It’s hard to describe to an outsider looking in, but… Lukas and Cole mean more to me than something as simple as lovers. Lovers come and go. They’re people who you have a very intense, very close relationship for a few years, and then it burns out. They’re here for your body, or maybe sometimes the way you act around them… but they aren’t there for you. Lukas and Cole are there for me. It’s hard to put ten years of that into words. But that’s the truth. And to have one of them fall to that lower level… to have the greater chance to lose them…”

Kat’s right hand was on the table. It began to shape into a fist, tightening around itself until it shook.

“…when I saw Lukas’ face, when I said no… when I ran away from his feelings… it was like I had shattered his heart. And I never want to do that ever again, Sadja. I never want to do it again.”

At this point, tears were streaming down. Kat did her best to hide herself from the rest of the restaurant. Sadja’s nervousness began to fade away from her body. Protecting her friend came first. She shook her head.

“Kat, love doesn’t have to be like that. Love is supposed to be beautiful — the most beautiful thing in the world. And it’s the people who care about one another that create that kind of love.”

The tears dripped down onto the glossy vermeer of the wooden table. Kat didn’t look back at Sadja. Her eyes stayed on the droplets.

“But… d-do I deserve it? Am I… am I g-good enough for that?”

Sadja reached her arm over the table, and gently took hold of Kat’s hand.

“Oh, Kat… of course you are. You’ll always be good enough.”

The rest of the dinner was held in silence.

…

Lukas sat on that wooden bench overlooking the lake. Cole walked up to him, slowly. When he got in range, he pointed to the bench.

“You mind if I sit down?”

Lukas didn’t look at him, but he scooted to the side and nodded. Cole sat down.

The two were silent, at least for a while. Cole kept his eyes on the waves of the lake, while Lukas was trained down on his feet. However, Lukas was the one to speak first.

“I never asked for any of this to happen.”

Cole turned to the boy. “Are you talking about Kat?”

Lukas sighed. “It just… happens by itself, you know. Know a girl for that long and it just sort of kicks in that you want to be with her.” Lukas trailed off at this point, and turned his head upwards toward Cole. “Have you ever had a crush on Kat?”

Cole smiled, and shook his head. “No. As much as I like her as a friend, she’s never been my type. But I understand what you’re saying. Hell, it’s hard not to fall in love after that much time.”

Lukas turned back towards the lake. “I… I fucked up. Big time. I wish I didn’t. I wish none of this happened the way it did. But it did.”

“You get rejected?”

Lukas shook his head. “No, it’s not that simple. It’s been a long time coming. I messed it all up, real bad.”

“What do you mean?”

Lukas’ eyes fell to the ground. He thought about it for a moment, but eventually just sighed again. “I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now, at least.”

Cole nodded. “You don’t have to talk about it. There are things I have too, that I don’t talk to anyone about. Things I don’t want to mention until I feel like I understand them myself.”

Lukas acknowledged the comment. “Yeah, it’s… something like that. I gotta figure it out on my own.”

Cole stood up from the bench. “Listen, Lukas. Right now, shit sucks. It really does. But I know Kat just as well as you do, and I know she’s not going to think any less of you now because of what you said.”

“I’m not worried about what I said, Cole.” Lukas looked up once again, this time towards his friend. “I’m worried about what happens next.”

Cole gave the boy a pitying smile. “It’s gonna be just fine, Lukas.” He walked over and patted the boy on the shoulder. “Things sure suck now, but everything’s going to end up being just fine.”